June 12, 2021 - Pastor Message
December 21, 2024THE YEAR OF ST. JOSEPH CHRISTIAN FATHERHOOD (cont.)
THE YEAR OF ST. JOSEPH CHRISTIAN FATHERHOOD (cont.)
“The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a suitable partner for him’ … So the Lord God cast a deep sleep on the man, and while he was asleep, he took out one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. The Lord God then built up into a woman the rib he had taken from the man. When he brought her to the man, the man said, ‘This one at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; this one shall be called woman, for out of her man this one has been taken.’ That is why a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, and the two of them become one flesh” (Genesis 2:18, 2125).
This month’s theme in our Year of St. Joseph is Christian fatherhood, modeled on the fatherhood of Joseph, who, though not Jesus’ biological father, loved him as a father in all other ways. Joseph is the perfect model of Christian fatherhood, which is so much more than simply contributing one’s genetic material and making a baby with a woman. Any man who is fertile can do that. At the same time, the process of exchanging genetic material and making a baby reveals the inner essence of what it means to be a man and a woman, a father and a mother. Fatherhood is the extension of that dynamic by a man throughout the life of a child, whether that child is biologically his or not.
In last week’s column, I reflected on manhood as essential to fatherhood, based on the essay “The Mission of Fatherhood” by William May, found at christendomawake.org. The essence of manhood, revealed most clearly in sexual communion with his wife open to life, is “giving in a receiving way,” which May expands upon: “Moreover, in giving himself to his wife in the marital act the husband releases into her bodyperson millions of his sperm, which go in search for an ovum. Should his wife be fertile and an ovum present within her, one of his sperm may succeed in uniting with it, in becoming ‘one flesh’ with it, and in so doing bring into being a new human person...The man, as it were, symbolizes the superabundance and differentiation of being, for his sperm are differentiated into those that will generate a male child and those that will generate a female child. From this we can see that the man, in imaging God, emphasizes his transcendence and otherness. The woman, as it were, symbolizes the oneness and unity of being, insofar as ordinarily she produces only one ovum during a fertile cycle, and what we might call the withinness and the abidingness of being. The woman, in imaging God, emphasizes his immanence to his creatures, his withinness” (5).
We see the difference between men and women, fathers and mothers, in how they relate to their children. Children naturally bond with their mother, having spent nine months completely dependent upon her in her womb, constantly hearing her voice, sharing the nutrients she has eaten, and so on. That bond naturally continues after birth as they nurse at their mother’s breast. Motherhood is then, in essence, showing love by taking her children to herself. Motherhood is about oneness. Fathers, on the other hand, have to work at bonding with their children. There is a natural differentiation between a father and his children, which the father overcomes by doing things with and for his children, spending time with them, holding them, playing catch with them, kissing their boo boos, and so on. Fatherhood is about otherness. It is much like the life of the Holy Trinity. Motherhood represents the oneness of God, fatherhood the differentiation among the three persons. Both are essential to the being of God, and both are essential in the life of children, the mother drawing her children close to herself, like a mother hen sheltering her chicks under her wing, and the father building up his children’s independence, sitting them on a bike for the first time, gently pushing them down the hill, and running beside them to pick them up and dry their tears when they fall. Of course, mothers also do things for and with their children, like coaching their soccer team, just as fathers draw their children to themselves, like holding them close and reading them a bedtime story. The difference is a matter of emphasis, mothers receiving their children in a giving way and fathers giving themselves for their children in a receiving way.
Fr. Marc Stockton
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